Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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