I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
