oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
