I think I won the penis lottery.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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