"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm both gender and math confused
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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