Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
