Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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