1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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