i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
