About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
