have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
