Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
