i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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