I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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