i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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