if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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