There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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