sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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