I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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