I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
