She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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