I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
