Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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