I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize