Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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