so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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