Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I puked a lego.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
