Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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