At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Life is so much better after having sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
