I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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