i permit you to call me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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