was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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