i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
