I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
