First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
