We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
