um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
