Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
