i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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