Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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