I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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