Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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