I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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