Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
