I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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