HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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