never play flip cup with pint glasses
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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