I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize