So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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