My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
