He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
