ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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