standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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