dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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