Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
