my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
