He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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