Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
