My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
