i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
