So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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