Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
