Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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