this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
