You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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