Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
