she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
