Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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