10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
