I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize