Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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