My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
