3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i believe in u and ur pee
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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