My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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