on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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