we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
