I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
