areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
