1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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