i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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