Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
