I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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