had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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