Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
