i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
