Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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