this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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