So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
