i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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