I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
