saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pants are for mortals
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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