and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
