but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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