Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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